I need change...
i crave it,
something other than this.
People different to these.
I want a place where i can fit in,
be with people like me.
People i can relate to,
who know how i feel,
and how to deal with it.

I love my friends,
but they don't understand me at all.
Its not their faults,
i barely understand myself,
but it would be nice to not have to explain myself.

I want to be smarter,
to be able to have an intellectual conversation.
I want to be pretty,
i'm fed up of the beast i see in the mirror each morning.
I want to be the girl to get the nice, pretty boy,
the ones that are saved for the pretty girls.
I want confidence.

I want to dance again,
but i don't have the confidence to go back.
I want to learn guitar,
but i don't have the mind to teach myself.
I want something to take my mind off everything,
but my thoughts keep catching hold of me.

I'm not alive,
just merely existing.
I want change,
i want something,
something to live for,
something to make me feel worthy,
to feel alive,
to feel an inch of pride and happiness.

I thought i could get through everything on my own,
but i was wrong.
I'm not gonna take back everything i've said,
because yes you did hurt me, you know that,
i know that, everyone knows that,
and maybe some of it was my fault,
maybe i was just as bad as you,
but through loneliness i'm realising how much you really did do for me.
Nobody else understands the way you did,
it was all so easy, because you know everything thats happened in my life,
and you understood it all, because you've had the downfalls yourself.
You saw me through the tough times,
stopped me doing such stupid things,
and every time a tear would fall, your words would stop them.
Because you knew exactly what i needed to hear, and exactly what had to be done.
No one else can understand this,
its not their faults, they don't know the full story behind my tears like you did, so they can't sympathise, they can't give me the advice you could.
Everyone else is so busy now,
i ruined everything with you now, you don't want to be in my life any longer.
I don't have a single friend as close as we were.
I have no one to confide in any more,
no one to trust.
I miss this so much, this closeness we had,
forgetting the bad times, i've realised just how many good times there were,
and just how much of those 2 years i miss so dearly.
I miss you so much, i wish you knew,
i know there's nothing i can do now.
I've done this to myself, with my selfishness,
i've made my life this way, now i've gotta deal with it.
But please understand that although i can't take back those words,
i do appreciate everything you ever did for me, and i will always miss & love you, FOREVER AND ALWAYS....To Infinity and Beyond. xoxo

1. What was the highlight of your day?
Getting a hug from a friendlingg.

2. How many meals do you usually eat a day?
Depends how hungry i am, lately its just dinner and snacks, but some days its like 3 meals and snackss.

3. What's your favorite movie?
Harry Potter saga, Sweeney Todd, Lion King, Pocahontas, Grease, Hairspray.

4. Have you ever thought George Clooney was hot?
N-O.

5. Have you ever doubted your sexual orientation?
Yes and no, i've never confirmed being straight, because although i only generally have feelings for guys, i don't think i could ever say that i'm 100% hetero.

6. How long has it been since you have seen an ex?
few weeks.

7. Name 5 of your best friends.
Tasha, Rachel, Alison, Will, Sophie.

8. Would you ever consider moving to Zimbabwe?
no.

9. What would you do if someone dyed your pubic hairs bright pink permanently?
Shave them off lol.

10. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Not sure, i don't like starbucks, they do ickyy hot chocolate.

11. Are you single?
Yes.

12. What is your opinion on global warming?
Its been realised too late the effects we are having on the earth, and its BAD.

13. What about abortion?
I don't really agree with them, but then again i don't know if i'd be able to go through teenage pregnancy...I think in extreme cases, like the chance of harm towards either the mother or the unborn child, then abortions are acceptable, but otherwise i don't agree with them.

14. Which would you rather star in: High School Musical or Striptease?
both...at the same time HIGH SCHOOL STRIPTEASE.

15. What's the worst movie you've ever seen?
Errrmm...i don't actually remember, i watch a lot of the cheap £1 movies just for the sake of it.

16. How many times do you sneeze a day?
Not suree.

17. Are you an "adult"?
According to public transport && cinemas i am, but tbh i don't think i'll ever be an adult, even when i get to adult age, i'll always be immature and childish.

18. Where do you live?
Sussex.

19. Have you ever thought Micheal Jackson was going to kidnap you?
Errm..No. I think he was an amazing performer, and got far too much negative and unfair press, he was a good performer and amazing singer, and that is how we should remember him.

20. What colour hair do you have?
Brown.

21. Would you rather have a hybrid vehicle or a Hummer?
=/ ?

22. Who is prettier: Angelina Jolie or Kate Bosworth?
Angelina.

23. What do you think about the tabloids?
I read them, but i they spread too much crap.

24. Have you ever been to Texas?
nope.

25. Would you want to go?
I wanna go to america, don't care where, i just wanna go.

26. Do you wear a watch?
Nopenopenope.

27. Have you ever had the sensation that you were falling while asleep?
I don't think so....

28. Would you rather work at Goodwill or McDonalds?
McDonalds babyyy ;)

29. What do you think about Britney Spears' 16 year old sister getting pregnant?
I don't have a particular view on teenage pregnancy, it doesn't matter about her celebrity status, she's still a teenage girl, same as every other.

30. Do you recycle?
Family does.

And who said you have a right to butt into other people's situations...
How dare you sit there and bitch and moan about what a dick someone is being,
but by bitching and moaning about it, arn't you in yourself being a "dick".
How dare you tell people what they can or can't do.
Then have the cheek to get pissed when they get annoyed at the interference.
You're forgetting who you are,
you're not perfect yourself, far from perfect tbh...
You paint everyone else as the bad guy, when the fact is,
you made 2 peoples lives hell for 4 years,
you made a girl believe death would be better than live,
you made her believe that she was hated, that no one wanted her around..
Nothing any of these people you bitch about can do, will ever be as bad as what you've done.
They never planned to hurt eachother, like you've planned to hurt others.
You have no right to judge, no right to bitch.

Yesterday, someone died.
Not someone i was close to, or someone i hardly even spoke to,
in all honesty i'm not even sure he remembered who i was.
But his death effected me, the same way its effected everyone else.
It isn't fair that someone so young, and so loved should be taken from us all.

You hear all the time about teenagers dying, but as sad as it is,
you never really think much of it, because these are people you've never met.
You never expect that it can happen to someone you know,
someone you walk past everyday, who you will now no longer walk past.

But things like this ARE happening all the time,
it shows you how sacred life is,
how you need to do what you love, and just stay happy.

This is a tragedy,
it shouldn't have happened to someone so young, so nice,
but it has and there is nothing we can do about it.
We just need to live our lives and make the most of it,
if not for our sakes but for those who never had a chance to achieve their dreams.

Another person died yesterday,
someone of whom i do not know.
This person has left behind family and friends.
And plans he had made have now been demolished,
but one split second.
This wasn't their faults,
it was just unfortunate timing,
they didn't deserve this,
but i guess its true what they say, they take the best ones while their young,
and from the amount of grief being felt for them by many a person at this moment,
i guess that is true, they obviously were two of the best.

Right now my thoughts are with their family's and friends,
I wish to god to watch over them at this moment in time,
and to help them get through this, and to also help the two injured people to recover.

xoxo.

Fuck it.
Hands up, i surrender,
i'm giving up on trying to be so damn fucking perfect.
You seriously do not give a fuck about me anymore do you?
I'm done with this shit.
I'm living for me now, and no one else.
If you're gonna give up on me so easily,
and have the cheek to make it seem like its all my fault,
then why the fuck should i keep chasing after you,
why should i care when you just throw it back in my face.
I'm done,
there is nothing else i can do,
nothing else i can say.
I'm here to help, and you obviously don't need it.
So goodbye,
don't forget to close the door on your way out.

She was having a rough time, she needed reasurrance, she needed comforting, she need her best friend.
But you wern't there when she needed you, you gave up on her, left her to fight her own battles.
But she can't fight them alone, she feels she is losing, she is unaware how long she can carry on single handedly before she surrenders.
She feels the strain getting tougher each day, this silent battle with her mind getting louder.
How long before you wake up and realise she's calling you? No matter how silent these signals are, she's pleading for attention, for a friend. When will you understand the extent of pain you are putting her through, she cannot fight this alone anymore.
She needs you.
Her 'Best Friend'.

Its me

You would never guess would you

Well basically you know how much you mean to me or atleast i hope you do. For all those times youve made me smile and put that smile on my face when i most needed it. For all those times i hope i can repay you. English lessons were a blast chatting away to you the lesson flies past. Also lets just say drama may not be the best actors but hey we sure have fun =).

Your so freakishly weird and i love it ! =)

BREAD AT 3 AM

Sleepovers you and sav are so awesome you girls really are the best.

I love you my best friend.

Forever okay we have been through thick and thin really have the thousands of arguments hundreads of upsets but many brilliant memories that just block the bad times out.

Thank you for everything my darling

You really do mean alot to me

Have fun at * Camping *

Love you loads

<3

<3

<3 << Looks like a ice cream cone. =)

X